I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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