I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Even my vagina gasped.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
