my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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