You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
