all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found your dick twin last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
