I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
