just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
