Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
