I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
