Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
