Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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