Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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