btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
