He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
