I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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