just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
