$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
either way he was missing a nipple.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
