did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
