I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
