he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
