I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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