I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
