I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
