I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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