I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
