you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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