Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
do nipples grow back?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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