Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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