I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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