just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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