I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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