After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
