I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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