Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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