Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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