I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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