i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
