So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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