It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
