So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
