I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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