You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
