I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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