what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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