im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
