I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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