Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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