I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
