I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
