Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
