My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
