Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
