Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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