You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
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This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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