What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
