The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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