Do vagina's smell?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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