the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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