My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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