I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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