I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
