i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
