Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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