oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
