one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
