if only i could text you this smell
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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