Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
