So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
