Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
