Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
