I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
