Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
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She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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