Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
