sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
