I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
