So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize