Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Terrible idea I love it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
