I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
