i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
another moral hangover. fuck.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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