At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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