i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
