What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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