forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
