Need sex. Gaining weight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
