i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
